How To Get Your Gay On This Pride
Pride week is upon us and already I see revelers falling by the wayside. Perk up people! Here are some tips on how to get your gay on without being sucked into the pain n’ shame monster.
Pace yourself!
There is a lot going on folks. I suggest you plan out a little schedule and then promptly throw it into the nearest fire. Let’s face it – you will be going where the gay wind blows you (yikes). If you have your heart set on a certain event then all I can say is: good luck getting you and your forty drunk friends there. Try to build excitement related to the event early in the day. Say things like “RuPaul might be there…or Chaz Bono?” and then stand back and watch the ripples of semi-care flowing through your band of buddies.
Wear sun block!
I have seen oh so many people wandering around in the San Francisco sun wearing nothing but a harness and open-toed heels, their skin turning the kind of 
pink that means get comfortable in that harness guurl, because tomorrow your won’t be able to put clothes on that sunburn. Sun block is easy. Slather that shit on.
Drink Mother Nature’s beer (aka WATER)!
This may seem like a no-brainer but I am going to put it out there anyway. Water is like Gatorade from the gods. It will boost your energy and make you run the fastest mile of your life. Pros – superhuman strength, lack of thirst-related hallucinations. Cons – the need to urinate, time wasted while in line at gnarly Porta Johns, possible urine on your pants from inventive (and also illegal) public urination.
Carb Load!
This is a marathon of sorts, prepare for it like for that marathon you have never run. Pasta is probably good – but not for breakfast. Get some good meals in
you while you can because who knows when you will remember to eat again. Keep in mind: Fun is good but fun is not food.
Be aware of what you consume and with whom you consume it!
Sometimes there are nice people walking around selling nice things. From jewelry to buttons to glow sticks, it is up to you what you spend your hard earned dough on, but be aware of what you are buying! Some people like to sell certain edibles containing certain mind-altering substances. Good for them! You bought one of these items? Good for you! Just remember, you didn’t make this. You have no idea how strong it is and how your body will react to it. There is a chance you will have the best time ever. Also a chance that you will wind up huddled in a bus stop at 4:30am missing a shoe, half of your shirt and with a broken finger. Buddy system is best. Keep an eye out for your pals and ask that hey do the same for you. Safety is awesome.
Bring Mother Nature’s fur (aka LAYERS)!
This is summer in San Francisco after all, and it is the coldest winter some have ever spent – but those people are giant babies. That marine layer, she does 
roll in though. Don’t get caught in the cold! Bring a sweatshirt! Bring two! The sun will leave, and no one likes shivering shoulders.
Most importantly…. Werk!
I am stealing this word from Tom Temprano, aka DJ Carnita, because literally this is all the man talks about lately. He’s all: werk this and werk that and werk the other. Somehow, I find this to be a completely appropriate way to sum up how best to enjoy SF Pride 2011. Werk. However you do, whatever you do – WERK. Like this:
