Even with buzz for a new album, The Chronicles of Marnia, set for release on March 19th , Marnie Stern is apparently hopelessly lonely, and looking for a release date-date.
Of course there are stipulations, suitors must live in New York—but we’re betting they’ll consider a worthy San Franciscan with frequent flyer miles to burn—and must meet Marnie’s specific qualifications: a humorous homebody who doesn’t mind that his girlfriend is out of town on tour a lot, and is not a drug addict, a slacker or a vegan. So that eliminates about 75 percent of the fragile hipster population. There is also one more catch: she doesn’t pick the winner, her record label does! So essentially this is a blind date (hope for hipsters after all).
Interested parties must complete a thorough questionnaire (www.killsrockstars.com) loaded with inquiries like: What qualities do you most enjoy in a woman? List any anti-depressants you currently take. What do you know about Marnie and why do you want to date her? What would your most recent ex-girlfriend say about you? If your cleverness precedes you, then you might find yourself bedazzling this “nice, positively cute, 30-something Jewish girl.”
Marnie might not be all that lonely and may have been duped into this by her record label. It could just be a genius publicity stunt. But, it could also lead to love. And with all the hopeless romanticism out there, why not take that chance? But if you really want to make her happy, just buy her album, because, after all, that’s what this is really about, right?