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The Longest Yard

A Far Way to Go

In The Longest Yard, a remake of the 1974 original, former NFL player Paul 'Wrecking' Crewe (Adam Sandler) is not happy with his life. He's considered one's of the world's biggest jerks for shaving off points in a game (which costs him his career) and is treated like a chump by his controlling, bee-atch of a girlfriend (Courteney Cox in a small role). So he goes over the edge, does a little drunk driving and ends up in the locker. In Texas.

As one of the characters so aptly puts it, "There are two things that we take seriously here in Texas -- prison and football." The warden is a football fanatic who enlists the help of former-MVP Crewe to get his warden team in shape for the season (some kind of inter-prison guard league, go figure). To help the guards' game and boost their already bursting egos, Crewe decides to create a team consisting of fellow prisoners; the logic being that it if the guards play these losers, they'll feel a lot more confident when kicking the ass during their other games.

The rest of the movie is spent with Crewe recruiting players and trying to get his ragtag team into shape. Which is difficult since most of them seem more interested in kicking the shit out of each rather than actually playing football (but isn't that the same thing anyway?). His assistant coaches consist of Caretaker (Chris Rock) and Nate Scarborough (Burt Reynolds).

If the plotline was already difficult to swallow, the sudden appearance of Reynolds as a gruff "lifer" who just so happens to be a former college football star, makes the story that much more ridiculous (irregardless of the fact that he played Crewe in the original) . On another note, as this is an MTV-production, there is T & A within the first two seconds. That may be a record. There're porn flicks that wait longer.

And Rock is a disappointment; his lines fall flat and seem forced. How can you make Chris Rock un-funny? It's difficult, but somehow director Peter Segal and writers Albert S. Ruddy and Tracy Keenan Wynn manage to do it. To make up for this, they insert one of the best cameos ever (at least in my humble opinion). If you've ever seen an Adam Sandler movie before, you know of whom I speak.

Nonetheless, The Longest Yard, is thoroughly disappointing, and a far cry from Segal and Sandler's50 First Dates, which was thoroughly entertaining.

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars