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The Alamo

As if anyone outside of Texas cares

This movie encompasses practically everything I hate in a Hollywood action movie (excluding a gratuitous romance). It's grossly self-indulgent, horribly constructed and pointlessly patriotic. As the saying goes, "Remember the Alamo". Car rental ads on television are a better way to remember that old building than anything this movie attempts.

Directed by John Lee Hancock and based on the battle (it's more of a massacre) between Texan and Mexican forces in 1836, over a missionary building that served as a symbol of control over the lands now known as the state of Texas, The Alamo looks, or least tries to look at, the political maneuverings and personal dramas behind the history of that fated fight.

Billy Bob Thornton plays Davy Crockett and Jason Patric (forever best known in my mind as Michael from The Lost Boys) plays Jim Bowie, two of the big heroes of the siege. The leader of the Mexican forces, Gen. Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana, is played with great Napoleonic zeal by Emilio Echevarrķa and Dennis Quaid is Gen. Sam Houston, the leader of the Texan army. Quaid's role is so random and sparse that it should be considered a cameo.

A haphazard and confusing plot and acting that verges on melodrama team up to make this movie seem never-ending and drawn-out. You know what's going to happen, you're just waiting for it to be done with.