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Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Epic Fluff

Rating: 1 out of 5 stars.

There’s not much to say about Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time except stay away — far away. This is one summer blockbuster you’ll want to miss.

Butchered to shreds and a plot that makes Lost look like Goodnight Moon. it’s a film that should be tucked away and forgotten about as quickly as possible.

It’s not even one aspect of the movie that’s bad; it’s everything. The directing, the editing, and even the “multi-million dollar” special effects are awful. Characters are thin, the plot is thinner, and the dialogue is laughable.

What semblance of a plot there seems to be follows the adopted Prince of Persia, Dastan (Jake Gyllenhaal), as he (surprise!) saves the world. Adopted by the King for his “noble character” despite his beggar blood, he’s destined for obvious greatness above his royal brothers.

Years later when they decide to invade a nearby city for allegedly smuggling weapons, Dastan stumbles into a much deeper mystery, with the city’s Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton) at the center. It involves a time traveling dagger that needs magic sand to work. Oh, and someone close to Dastan wants to use it for evil. Sound familiar?

It seems as if the writers and Director Mike Newell (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) cut out everything but action scenes and witty dialogue. If only the action scenes were worthwhile. They’re vapid, uninspired, and poorly shot. The special effects are cartoonish and even the “breathtaking” sets look fake and amateur. Where did the money go? Who knows.

To even consider the acting would mean there was a platform for the actors to showcase their abilities. Besides Arterton’s Princess Tamina being incredibly annoying and constantly “remembering” a new way to save the world, not even Ben Kingsley as Dastan’s Uncle Nizam registers as a character. There are poorly made movies and there are movies that shouldn’t have passed the planning stage. This is the latter. Remember — stay away. Far, far away.