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Paradise: the Weekend!


I need a coffee to keep up ladies and gents! Well, gents! My tan is kicking and my mind is fried from a long hard weekend of basking in the sun! It was definitely the best weather that we are gonna get, ladies! So, I hope you made the most of it…I know I did. After all, we all know there is nothing better than the merriment that can only provided by those sunrays. I spent the weekend riding a SPF high that I couldn’t come off of until Sunday. Let discuss the highlights, shall we?

So, while I have gotten no closer to the true identity of a certain Miss Minx, I did have the rare opportunity to get up close and personal with some impressive talent throughout the hot spell. Now, I don’t plan on giving up on my quest to discover that tranny’s identity, but for the time being I relied on my eyes about town. Let me tell you, they didn’t see much in the Minks department. She didn’t even make it to the Hot Boxxx Girls revue, but you can’t blame her for that. I heard that the heat gave Vicki Marlene gout, Miss Gina’s face was melting like a neglected ice cream cone, and that the crowd was sparse at best due to the unexpected weather. Who wants to be coupéd up inside when there is heat going around, anyway!

I spent my Friday night front and center at the Robyn concert, venturing my way in NOMA for an affair that I will not soon forget. The tiny Scandinavian Siren performed at the ultra lush Bimbo’s, which is always a favorite spot for a hot concert. She was flawless, effortless, and dressed to kill in her half caped turtle necked mini-dress with asymmetrical cape sleeves. Viktor and Rolf for days, baby…she out-fierced Tilda Swinton which is no small fete. Her voice is perfection, too! She went an entire set with two encores including a steel-drum reproduction of Show Me Love and only missed one note. The missed note, may I add, was to fault of her headpiece falling off. It was truly a magical show.

What wasn’t so magical, however, was the horrifying experience of being stuck in NOMA without a cab in sight! My gay-ass with towering drag queen Felicia Fellatio and my fag hag who returned from travels in Panama so tan that people thought she was in black face, and we just couldn’t seem to find a cab that would take our fair! Weird! Now, last time I checked gay dollars were just as valuable as regular American currency, even slightly more valuable due to the lack of overhead expenses (see babies) as well as the expectant fine residue of meth. We walked the streets, teaming with heterosexual’s just flaunting their lifestyle. I was horrified! I mean, to each her own, but does she really need to shove it in my face! It was vulgar, all those hand-in-hand men and women. Gross!

I spent the majority of my Saturday in Dolores Park, and then headed over to Marry Me Bridal to start choosing my wedding dress. While I may not have a groom to my bridal party, it hasn’t stopped me from finally booking all 37 brides maids for my wedding event of a lifetime! I have been part of this marriage fight for so long, it was time I got my just desserts! After selecting a refined gown replete with 10,000 rhinestones, I sent it off to be altered and made my way to Paradise. Paradise Disco that is!
It was ga-ga galore at the Disco on Saturday, where all the revelers waited with baited breath for the appearance of…..wait for it……SISTER SLEDGE! We all wanted to be the greatest dancer, and shimmied all night long to prove it! When they finally took to the stage, it was commanding. They called up the crowd to be there back-up dancers, and we all got to sing We Are Family together, just like our brethren in those bygone days!

But while I was dancing with Sister Sledge, which troublemaker was sneaking the lady disco-biscuits poppers between songs? And which Drag queen tried so ferociously to pose as part of that past diva sisterhood that she wouldn’t even accept the dollar bills being shoved at her? Whose wig fell off as she vied to be named the Greatest Dancer? I even heard rumors that a certain local rock columnists is bringing his reviews to the turntables and starting a new club at The Stud! Apparently Mondays will never be the same! I wonder if they ever where different? While I am left pondering that question, and trying to refrain from using even more exclamation points!, you can try to unscramble the rest of the riddles I know all too well. I would ruin your puzzle-fun, but I have promised not to provide a key, and I never break a PinkySwear!