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More Than Sex

Room For Squares

We gay guys do a lot of complaining about how impossible it is to find a quality guy in the city. Take a few minutes to check out some posts on Craigslist and you’ll get a taste of what I’m talking about. Every other user seems to bemoan the “fact” that there are just no more men of quality out there. Where are these people looking?

I’ll be the last person to argue that finding a man is easy. But I’ll also be the first person to admit that anyone who thinks so is probably looking in the wrong places. C’mon people, we live in San Francisco. This city is practically a living billboard for arts & culture west of the Louisiana Purchase. It’s not really rocket science to realize that you’re not going to find the cream of the crop by warming the seat of a bar stool at the Stud. After all, we’d be doing ourselves a serious disservice if we perpetuated the idea that we think more with our penises than with our heads. There is after all more to the city, and life for that matter, than sex.

As summer winds down and the fall season picks up, there are a number of activities coming up that, while not altogether queer in nature, certainly attract their fair share of fairies and the like. In a city like San Francisco, where gays don’t have to relegate their social lives to dingy dive bars in the seediest areas of town, it doesn’t make sense to limit yourself to strictly queer events.

An afternoon of Shakespeare in the Park will both open your eyes to others in and out of your peer group who have similar longings for the romantic and fantastic trysts devised for a “A Midsummer Night’s Dream". Performances continue through September at the Presidio Parade Ground. Meeting someone with an interest in renaissance literature will likely lead to conversations that can go further than the bedroom. And with the SF Opera just having started its new season, we could all be but a ticket away from passion and romance.

If poetry and theatre are not your interests, think about what other hobbies you have. Presumably, we all have other ways of occupying ourselves when there isn’t a readily available man nearby. Short of the soulless bump and grind of most gay clubs, music remains a largely indiscriminate hobby. Whether you’re into jazz clubs or minimalist electro, if you’ve lived here long enough, you’ll likely already have a favorite spot for live music. Now is the time to become a regular.

For those tired of reading profiles on myspace, pick up a book. There are a number of independently run book clubs throughout the city, but if you’re looking for one that meets regularly, the Harvey Milk Library at the Eureka Valley branch of the San Francisco Public Library meets monthly. A Different Light Bookstore on Castro has authors visiting almost biweekly, reading excerpts from their usually new releases. And that’s not to mention gatherings at various Books, Inc. and Modern Times locations. Regular get-togethers like these, in addition to providing ready made ice breakers, guarantee similar interests and at the least a second date.
When we’re finally done bitching and moaning about how hard it is to find a guy, we might finally realize that there are actually bigger problems in life. Go out and volunteer somewhere. Almost every organization is in need of free help, from Stop AIDS to Magnet, the Friends of the SFPL to API Wellness Center. There are a ton of organizations and a ton of good causes. Pick one; even if your reasons are completely selfish, at least you’re doing some good while cruising.

What it basically comes down to is realizing that everything you do is an opportunity to meet someone. That doesn’t mean that you need to leave the house everyday dressed to the nines. Rather, treat all activities as equal opportunities to meet people. Pretty soon, exercising might seem less a chore, going to work could be less painful and grocery shopping might even be more of an event. So what’s stopping you? I hear there’s a pretty hot check out guy at Nijiya Market in Japantown.