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Middle of the Road

Room for Squares

Paper or plastic? Boxers or briefs? Gay or straight? Since when has life ever been a one or the other deal? There are a lot of us who, although gay, don’t live the typically “gay” lifestyle. You know, that imagined life of hard partying, hard drugs and even harder sex. We are rather middle of the road when it comes to being neither fully in nor out, neither extrovert nor introvert. But does being MOTR mean we don’t have the same desires? And does it make those desires, or us, seem any less gay?

First things first, being MOTR does not mean being boring. Let’s imagine it’s a Friday night, and you suddenly realize that that quiet night at home watching “Torchwood” reruns you had been looking forward to all week long isn’t as enticing as it was that busy Monday morning. Why spend your night watching a bunch of horny humans getting it on with horny aliens when you could potentially be doing the same thing yourself, or at the least witnessing it in person? To stay in or to go out? Not a difficult question if you want more than pussycats and rocking chairs in your future.

But wait, what are you going to wear? Should you bring a jacket or not? Black or white chucks? Glasses or contacts? The infinite permutations of closet throw-up are enough to make your head spin. Hopefully, at this point in the night, you will have already had an idea about what you’d feel most comfortable in. It helps to remember that a first impression can be a last impression. With this in mind, you choose the balance between wonderful wallflower and backroom Betty, keeping in mind that the difference between a square peg and a wanton slut is about 2 pant sizes and a jacket/scarf combo.

Next, you need to decide where to go. Should you spend the night feeling like bubblegum under the sandals of Olympian gods at the BOC or find a dive bar where you happen to be the flavor of the night among a gaggle of stale spices? You ask yourself whether you want to have fun, or whether you want to have fun, always mindful that neither one is a prospect promised to you at any location you visit. So what do you end up doing? You find a spot where the boys are neither too hot nor too cold and where you end up as merely one face in a crowd of many.

Let’s now suppose that you wind up the momentary target of someone’s gaze. You don’t feel an immediate attraction to the dude, but you’re not exactly disgusted either. Where does your middle of the road mentality take you? Route A can lead to good things, but it could also take you to the stranger’s bed, and what with the news of the staph infection meant to scare us away from our hedonistic dispositions, you say 'no thanks'. But if you take Route B and ignore the inner longings that human nature tells us are definitely there (whether you’re willing to admit it to yourself or not), there’s still the possibility you could end up with something better.

Frozen by indecision, you stand there pondering the possibilities while the stranger’s gaze inevitably wanders onto something else. With your attempt at being a party animal unfulfilled, you feel as if you’ve wasted your night. Chock it up to another lesson learned. Sure, this road of moderation might provide more room for squares, but it can also seem a lot lonelier. And while being MOTR may mean being average, being average means there are a lot of people like you. Stop and take a look around every once in awhile and you might be surprised. At the end of the day, it’s just all about being gay.