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Johnson Family Vacation

Cedric does National Lampoon's

Every once in a while, a movie will arrive that forces you to redefine the standard by which you rate films. Johnson Family Vacation is just that sort of movie. Simply viewing it reminds you of the depths of cinematic failure. Even truly abysmal comedies happen onto moments that make you laugh, but Johnson Family Vacation skillfully avoids anything that could even be construed as humorous.

Most of the camera time is spent watching Cedric and his family on a seemingly endless road trip, which really doesn't sound so awful. But pretend every road is like the stretch of freeway between San Francisco and Los Angeles and includes the Harris Ranch where the air is thick with the stench of tens of thousands of cows rooting around in their own shit, then throw in a rush hour commute over the Bay Bridge after a six-car pileup into an overturned gas tanker, and that will provide a reasonable approximation of how torturous it is to watch this movie.

A project this dismal should force everyone involved to reevaluate their career choices; so perhaps something good will come of this. Hopefully, Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer will go back to standup, Solange Knowles will reclaim her rightful place as Beyonce's overshadowed kid sister, and Lil' Bow Wow will stick to making music, or better yet, retire entirely.