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In Defense of the O.N.S.

Room for Squares

Having a one night stand is kinda like pulling off a band-aid. You know, like that initial hesitation you feel before diving headlong into something, and then realizing afterwards that it wasnít really anything to worry about to begin with. A quick and almost painless relief from some long crippling love affliction. But hey, if theyíre so great, why are one night stands given such a bad rap?

Like any taboo, I guess to get to the bottom of it we have to start by describing what it brings to mind. When I think of one night stands, I imagine seedy bars occupied by mean lonely people who donít care to foster lasting and loving relationships with real people who have real feelings. But thatís absurd. Being a perpetrator of the one night stand doesnít mean that youíre averse to all human relationships. It just means that you want sex, plain and simple. And, as Iím told by many experts on the topic (e.g. Madonna, George Michael, etc.), thatís perfectly okay.

Admit it. Either youíre open to the frivolity of kissing and telling, or youíre a needlessly closed book when it comes to tales of your overnight sexcapades. Whichever class you belong to though, one thing can be said: if itís a quick loving that you need, then it doesnít matter whether it lasts 15 minutes or 15 years so long as your needs are met.

To many people, therein lies the appeal of the one night stand. Relationships can be messy, especially if youíre not used to travelling two ways down a one way street. Folks who go into one night stands know that they can come out of them relatively clean and safe (provided they used the right kind of protection, both emotional and physical). What a terrific feeling it must be to have all those primal needs met and still walk away with neither baggage nor consequence. Itís like making a clean break, and whatís more important, no one you know ever has to know about it.

Okay, so weíve established that a one night stand can be carried out in relative anonymity. But that still doesnít mean that all of us who have one night stands are going to raise our hands and admit to having them. Part of the attraction is that you donít have to see, hear, or think about what you did ever again in a public setting. To that end, many of us would still rather admit that the only night stands weíre familiar with are the ones on which we place our bedside lamps. There were no witnesses to the crime after all, so why bother making a case out of it, right?

Wrong. What youíve failed to remember is that there was a witness, or in this case, an accomplice. Letís just imagine that youíre out having drinks with a friend and a stranger comes up to you. With one knowing glance, the holier-than-thou persona youíve cultivated all your life comes crumbling to the ground. All of a sudden, you can no longer shake your head at the sexual indiscretions of others because, lo and behold, you have one of your very own. Youíve joined the millions of singles in the world whoíve realized the same thing: big fucking deal.

Isnít it about time that we came out of our closets and made a case for the widespread acceptance of the one night stand? Itíd be like a love revolution, only this time with less flower power and more free condoms and KY jelly. Just think about it. If we were all less preoccupied with misgivings about having sex with strangers, we might devote more time to meeting them for something more. Wouldnít that be something?