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Hellboy

Not even drugs can make this movie good

It's World War II, and the Nazis have hired some crazy satanic priest/harnesser of evil, mysteriously known as Rasputin (Karel Roden) who likes to wear fur and be called things like 'master', to open a dimension into hell in order to unleash the Gods of Chaos or something along those lines (think the end of the world and you get the drift). But, as usual, the Americans come to the rescue successfully toppling the Nazis and closing the portal into hell. However, a little something still managed to sneak its way into our world.

A baby demon, with a penchant for Baby Ruth's, is claimed by a kooky professor (John Hurt), founder of the B.P.R.D. (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense), who brings the wee red lass over to the good side and raises him as his own. Hellboy (Ron Perlman), as he is so lovingly dubbed, grows into an enormous ass-kicking adult whose proclivities include meat, cats and stalking.

There's a surprisingly sweet love story between the 'freakish' looking Hellboy and the seemingly normal Liz (Selma Blair), another government secret agent who wields a deadly power all her own. Together they make the perfect combination.

The rest of the supporting cast works with what they have, especially the quite charming Abe (Doug Jones/David Hyde Pierce [voice]). It must be said that Rasputin bears an uncanny resemblance to both Non and General Zod from Superman 2 (he's one part evil leader and one part oaf) and Agent Myers (Rupert Evans) seems like he modeled his look after Keanu Reeves' Agent Johnny Utah from Point Break.

Hellboy is one of the many comic book crossovers onto film, and this celluloid version is only mildly successful. The action scenes are engaging, but far from heart thumping, and the plot can hold your attention for more than two minutes; of course, if you are a fan, you'll probably be riveted. The script, however, ruins this movie. The thrills and chills are continuously killed off by line after line of cheesy, poorly crafted and juvenile one-liners. It's a miracle the cast could even deliver such trite dialogue with straight faces! There should be a bloopers reel on the DVD release. It may be more entertaining than the entire movie put together.