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Because We Want To

Room for Squares

A good bulk of this column’s past entries has centered on the topic of marriage equality. And without last week’s overturning of the ban on gay marriage, I’m not sure how much more anyone could actually have said on the topic. As it stands, however, things have changed. And change, although upsetting and begrudgingly welcomed in most cases, is in this instance a most well received and celebrated turn of events.

At least that’s how things looked last Thursday, if the suddenly sprung up block parties were anything to go by. I’ll say one thing about us gays. Deny us our rights, and we’ll come back biting. Throw us a bone, and we’ll lap it up. And boy was that some bone the California Supreme Court threw at us last week. We’ll be lapping that one up until our tongues are dry or until they take it away again, whichever comes first.

And who could blame us? It’s like that feeling you get when you’ve just gone out running on a really hot day and forgotten to bring along water. You get so thirsty that as soon as you get home you rip into a gallon of and before you know it, there’s H2O pouring out of every single one of your orifices. You’ve got water up to your ears, squirting out of your nostrils and eyeballs, ready to burst. Yeah, sorta like that feeling.

Everywhere I went, every website or blog I read, people were championing the so-called freedom of our country. I mean, even my mother was talking about me and the prospect of marriage in the same sentence, and she doesn’t even know I’m gay (or so I thought). Anyways, everyone was talking about it, and it also seemed as if everyone was doing it. My coworker comes into work the next day and tells me that his partner proposed. Here’s a couple who’ve been together for almost 15 years, who’ve admittedly never spoken about marriage before, who’ve not even filed for domestic partnership, and who’ve suddenly decided that it was time to talk about marriage…because they could! Doesn’t that rock?

Well…yes and no. You see, this is where I’m divided on the subject. If you’ve never before thought that a piece of paper could justify your relationship, why would you think that now? Just because straight people are saying it’s okay? It just seems to me like it wouldn’t and shouldn’t change anything. Marriage isn’t a question of “can you,” but “do you?” Running to the nearest chapel just because they’ve announced a new two-for-one special simply doesn’t gel.

This might sound a tad hypocritical coming from someone who’s always been for marriage equality, but getting married for the sake of getting married is the real reason marriage success rates have gone the way of "American Idol’s" ratings. There is no marriage equality if all it means is that we now have the same divorce rights.

Before, when we couldn’t do it, it’s what we were all raving about. Marriage equality was a part of our “gay agenda,” you know, that list of things we all have on our hot pink clipboards, tucked behind that picture of David Beckham. Or at least that’s how the religious pundits had us earmarked.

And I think that after a few years (provided we can still get married in the interim), what those same pundits will find is that there was no such gay agenda all along. Rather, it was all a ploy of the “Divorce Attorney Agenda,” under whose employ must have been all 7 of the California Supreme Court officials. It’s the only thing that makes sense after all. I mean, if it weren’t for divorce, people would stay married because they have to, not because they want to.