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Beauties and Beasts


Oh me. Oh my! Maybe it’s just me, but lately I just can’t shake the feeling that things need to be tossed up around town. The last couple weeks have left me underwhelmed, that isn’t to say that nothing has taken place, but come on faggots, this is San Francisco! Let’s add some pepper, please. Remind me that my Zyrtec cloud is, in fact, just allergies. Spring is springing! Keep the good, the bad, and the gaudy strutting their shit.

In recent weeks, the most pomp and circumstance was the annual senior spectacle known as the Imperial Court’s Coronation Ball. The annual event, which was held at the Gift Center Pavilion, is a kick-back to the old school. It is the one big opportunity for the community service-minded to don their leather and lace and make a big showing to their peers. The show traditionally begins with a procession-style entrance -- think "Cinderella" here, fags. Despite no trumpeter heralding each attendant, there was plenty of trumpet blowing.

The sea of gay glitterati decked themselves out this year, turning the Pavilion into a jungle of drag. Leather ball-gowns, peacock-feathered trains, glitter, church hats, and the like made the view from the main stage quite the sight to behold. As the breathless nominees for Emperor and Empress paraded their musical missteps for the crowd, it seemed they were distracted by styles that not even the venerable Christian Siriano could have master-minded.

The lowlight of the Ball was definitely the absence of Jose Sarria, the undeniable Empress I Widow Norton. The Premiere Empress, who is the founder of the International Imperial Court, was felled by illness and was in the hospital. I am a big Sarria fan; I even live on the 16th Street block that was renamed in his Honor. His absence was noted by all in attendance.

The high note, natch, was the crowning of the new Emperor and Empress. In the tradition that has defined this yearly occasion, all the nominees for the position are taken upstairs at the Gift Center, and the grand announcement is only made when the winners descend in the glass elevator amidst triumphant cheers from the crowd. This year’s winners, Empress Cher A Little Smith and Emperor John Weber, are both revered for their contributions to the community. They both looked effortless, and are now off and running to raise funds for charities all over town. You go, Mo’s!

I would be remiss in not mentioning one of the best parties I have attended in quite a while.’s Rchrd Oh?! and Gemini Disco’s Le Dinosaur held the tables down while the crowd displayed the most ferocious display of club dedication I have seen in some time. The party’s animal theme was embraced by some 90% of the crowd, who dressed as their favorite animals. In attendance: sheep, pigs, cows, parrots, birds, and even Juanita More dressed in a giant gorilla costume, (at least I thought it was a costume.) I even ran into my friend and rival gossip columnist Josh Rocker of notoriety. She looked flawless in her wig, regardless of how much face paint, coke dust and cake crumbles tried to shame her look. The night was so much fun, and I must say that I have a new monthly event to look forward to! To quote CC Peniston, FINALLY!

Despite a lack of major scandal, there were still some fun activities to do and see. I suppose the best part of the past couple weeks, and the reason we have all been so scandal- free, was the GORGEOUS!!!! weather. Who wants to make a fuss when they have been tanning on the shelf all day, after all! I have been hanging out in fixed gear flats myself lately, trying to bask in the light as long as possible.

Though the blinding rays may have dulled my glare, I didn’t dawn eagle garb just for funsies! Irony speaks louder than words. I know which Trannyshack alum is returning from her much quipped, month-long retirement, who mocked Empress Alexis before she was felled onstage by her own sequined gown, what scenester’s street style wrongfully “revered” in 7x7, and even the diva that will cat-walk on the bar at the Midnight Sun during the "Project Runway" finale. Shit, I helped that queen pick her outfit. But, I wouldn’t be so unkind as to fast-forward on all the fun. You will have to see for yourself, cause you know me, and I never break a PinkySwear!