This weekend thousands of people will be flocking to Indio, CA for a weekend of music at Coachella. Funny or Die’s Dashiell Driscoll has neatly (and hilariously) pegged the attendees into seven different categories. Can you guess what they may be?

If you guessed a drug-addled hippie teenager, you would be close. Whether you’re going to Coachella or not, this post will have you laughing out loud (yes, LOL). That is, if you’re not exactly who Driscoll is poking fun at.

Here are some highlights:

The Bro’s

“If aliens have a channel like Animal Planet that’s all about humans, they probably have several documentaries on the subject of bro’s at music festivals.”

Kids on Ecstasy

“Every year I see groups of unsupervised children that make Hunter S. Thompson look like the patron saint of moderation.”

Music Lovers

“The sentence, “I only go to Coachella for the music,” makes me think of the words, ‘ only read Playboy for the articles.'”

I’d like to add a few more to the list:

Rich Kids Pretending to be Poor

People who have money coming out of their crevices and/or whose parents bought them Porches for their 16th birthdays and yet dress in rags not fit for the dollar bin at the Salvation Army and who choose to live like vagabonds.

The Real Housewives of the O.C.

Clothing by Ed Hardy, boobs by Dr. Plastic Surgeon.

Tech Douches

Too nerdy to be Bro’s, too anally-retentively clean to be Dirty Hippies and flush with cash. But, every bit as annoying as the rest.

For the full post, go here.

[via Funny or Die]

• Tag: Coachella, funny, indio, music