The one time I had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, he gave me a heart-shaped box filled with those candy hearts stamped with little messages, and on the outside, the $1.99 price tag was still stuck on. You might think that this must have been a ten-year-old boyfriend from my childhood days, but no, it was just a few years ago. Since my boyfriend was foreign, he probably had a different idea of standard American practice for the holiday, but he also had no money and was cheap to boot.

I hadn’t really expected anything from him, but what annoyed me about his gift really wasn’t the cheapness – it was the utter lack of originality. What better way to say your love is as generic as a Hallmark greeting card than to (other than give a Hallmark greeting card) get your lover a box of chocolates or a dozen long-stemmed roses? This Valentine’s Day getting your sweet thang gifts with a twist on some old stand-bys could much more authentically say “I love you” than a stamp on a pink candy heart.

Flowers:
Nothing is wrong with getting or giving flowers on Valentine’s Day, but aren’t roses a little played-out? Everybody knows that orchids are much sexier and exotic – just look at a Georgia O’Keefe painting to see where that comes from. Beautiful Orchids in Pacific Heights carries many exotic varieties that you can buy either freshly cut or potted. If you saw Adaptation, I wouldn’t ask for the ghost orchid – they’ve probably heard enough of that by now.

Chocolate:
When you get chocolate for your honey, you’re not kidding anybody – you want to stimulate those love chemicals. If you’re not timid about showing your true intentions, try out Body Talk, creamy chocolate that’s meant to be painted onto your lover’s skin and then, well, the rest is up to you. You can buy Body Talk through AKA Gourmet, a San Francisco-based online store that also carries other chocolate products like chocolate long-stemmed roses or prettily-packaged boxes of chocolates.

Dinner:
So of course you’ll go out to dinner, but if you really want things to get hot and heavy (as they should), just stay in the kitchen and make your own aphrodisiac-filled meal. A stew of aphrodisiacal ingredients like truffles, vanilla, nutmeg, anise seed, coriander, avocado, chocolate, almonds, asparagus, basil, garlic, liquorice, mustard, arugula, pine nuts, and wine would be one hell of an arousing concoction, though perhaps not the most tasty. Dessert would be unforgettable though. Find hormone-stimulating spices at specialty markets like San Francisco Herb Co. or Rainbow Grocery.

Teddy Bear:
Teddy Bears are cute and all, but what a girl really wants to cuddle up to is a new vibrator. Good Vibrations has some cutesy options like the vibrating rubber ducky or toy-shaped vibrators named Pvt. Private, Chef Frenchie, and Vibo the Clown. Less innocent but equally sexy possibilities for your man is the Prisoner of Love Kit, which includes four fake fur and satin cuffs plus a blindfold, the Bend Over Boyfriend Kit, or the Sensual Massage Kit. Good Vibes is of course the headquarters for all truly cute and loving Valentine’s Day needs.

• Tag: Valentine's Day